Archive for the ‘Obama Humor’ Category
posted by Old Hippie on Jul 22
The Queen’s Riddle
Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.
He asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?”
“Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.
“Please send Gordon Brown in here, would you?”
Gordon Brown walked into the room and said, “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, Gordon, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Gordon Brown answered, “That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.
Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice president the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” said Joe. “Let me get back to you on that one…”
He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.
Finally, he ended up in the men’s room and recognized Colin Powell’s shoes in the next stall. Joe asked Powell, “Colin, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Colin Powell yelled back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”
Joe smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then, he went back to speak with Obama.
“Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Colin Powell!”
Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, “No! you idiot! It’s Gordon Brown!”
AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS PRECISELY WHAT’S GOING ON WITH OUR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IN WASHINGTON D.C.
posted by Old Hippie on Jul 6
“The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree… 25 to life would be appropriate.”
——————— Jay Leno
“America needs Obama-care
like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.”
——————— Jay Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
——————— Conan O’Brien
Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
——————— David Letterman
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean
and it started to sink,who would be saved?
A: America! <<< Great comment!
——————— Jimmy Fallon
Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
——————— Jimmy Kimmel
Q: What was the positive result of the “Cash for Clunkers” program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
——————— David Letterman
Q: What does Barack Obama call a convicted felon?
A: A fundraiser!
——————— Jay Leno
posted by Old Hippie on Jun 21
No Wonder Fishface Likes To Shakedown Congressmen At The Showers
Rahm Emanuel as a Young Ballerina Dancer
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard as when I saw this old photo of Fishface when he was a ballerina. I think I now understand why he's such a bitch! His dad must be so proud!
Rumor is that he'll be leaving the White House as Chief of Staff after the November Elections. When Chairman Obama asked why, Rahm responded "I just want to dance".
posted by Old Hippie on Jun 8
(knock on bedroom door)
(Chairman Obama Answers)
Chairman Obama: “Rahm, it’s about time you brought me those smokes, Ripple, and Crack!”
Emanuel: “Let me know if I can bring you anything else, your highness. Seig Heil!”
Chairman Obama: (under his breath) “Get lost Jew Boy!”
Michelle: “You don’t have to pretend to be pissed any more. Sit down, Barack, and relax. I know you had to show some emotion in public over the BP oil spill, especially after Spike Lee and Carville went off on you. The kick ass comment was a nice touch!”
“Comon Barry, you are not really upset about the spill, you don’t need to play that game when it is just me. We both know this gives you a great excuse to go ahead and stop all offshore drilling and to push your Cap and Tax bill. I know you have to be thrilled!”
Obama: “Uggggg! What are you wearing ho? Geeze! That’s the ugliest dress you’ve worn yet. Who picks out your threads anyway? A South-side Chicago Bag Lady? You look more like Auntie Esther every day!”
“You’re the laughing stock of the fashion world. Nothing you wear fits your fat ass right or is appropriate for the occasion. You look like the Grand Champion from the Ken Blackwell’s worst dressed list.”
Michelle: “Look Barry, don’t push me. I know about your Birth Certificate, you don’t want to make me mad.”
Chairman Obama: “Go put the girls to bed. Make sure they are wearing those burquas my granny sent from home. And by the way, why aren’t you wearing yours? You’d look better in it than some of that tacky ass shit that don’t fit.”
Michelle: “Kiss my ass Barry. On the subject of ugly, what are you going to do about that old hag Helen Thomas? She only spoke the truth and now she’s out of a job.”
Chairman Obama: “Don’t worry about Helen. Harvard, Columbia, and USC will hire her to come and speak. She will be the highest paid speaker anywhere, although it will mean less money for William the Impeached.”
Michelle: “What are you going to do about Iran. Soon all will know it’s been made public by that Israeli website DEBKA that Osama bin Laden, Zawahiri, and many other al Qaeda comrades are hiding in Iran?”
Chairman Obama: “I’m not going to do anything. Those are my people. If I stall long enough, Iran will take care of Israel for me and I won’t have to deal with that infidel Netanyahu. Bill Ayers and Dorn are doing a get job with the flotilla — and the mainstream media has been great with perpetrating the lie.
Michelle: “I’m going to bed, are you coming?”
Obama: “Not yet, I want to give my man-servant a little boost, hang out in the stream room with Barney Frank, and then give my praise to Allah. Where’s my prayer rug?”
Michelle: “Find it yourself. I need some Alka Seltzer… I ate too many of those Maine lobsters, German chocolate cakes, peanut butter pies, fresh collard greens from the garden that the kitchen staff brought up earlier, and the Dom Perignon. … Burp/Fart!”
Chairman Obama: “See you in the afternoon when I get back from golf. Don’t forget our White House “Chicago Days” party tomorrow night. What a life! We get to party with Jeremiah and Ayers; all my Muslim, union, ACORN , Gay, and communist buds — invite rappers to stay in the Lincoln bedroom — and these American Infidel suckers who voted me in pay for it all. I could get so use to this life that I just may pass an executive order for me to stay in office for life.”
Michelle: “No way I’m getting this dressed up for the rest of my life, our deal with China and Iran was 16 years in the White House, not a second more.”
“Don’t forget, I’m going to pig out with Rosie and Oprah for lunch tomorrow.”
(door closes as Chairman Obama leaves)
Chairman Obama to self: “She eats many more of those fried pork rinds, her ass will be as big as my head!”
(unintelligible sounds….. tape ends)
